so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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