as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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