wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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