Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
