Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
