Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
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