I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
