please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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