Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize