if i can run in heels then i can drive
high people should be assigned attendants
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
In other news, I just burned my penis
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
