I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
