You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize