Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Apparently you make a good broom.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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