She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
