batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize