Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Randomize
