Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
