Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
