my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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