i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
