i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
