Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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