I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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