Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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