im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I AM VODKA MAN
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
