He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
