Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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