Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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