Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I need a beard to bite.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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