well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
