well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
