im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
