Define "chronic" masturbator.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
