yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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