I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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