First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
