did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
