Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The power of my boobs compel you
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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