Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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