I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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