I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize