I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
