If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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