billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
