So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
