Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
