How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
