I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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