We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
