the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
