Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
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