well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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