Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I came so hard my ears popped.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
