Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Found your dick twin last night
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
