I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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