There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
