Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She's the barista slut.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
