I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize