Where are you?
In a non slutty way
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
