my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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