Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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