no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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