if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
