I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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