I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
