I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
