i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
