thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
