I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i drank out of a bidet.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
