What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
