I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
