K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
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