dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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