my phone needs a breathalizer
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
