I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
